Monday, July 14, 2008


Sometimes I just don't understand why I do things, or who leads me to do them, but yesterday had to have been one of the most stress-filled, gloriously painful days I have had in a long time.

God reminded me of everything yesterday, what I have left behind and what I need to relearn.  I'm basically forcing myself for 2 weeks to focus on him and not many of the other things around me.  This is going to be extremely difficult, I don't want to grow complacent in my relationship with God or people.  I'm remembering things that I wish I had not forgotten, ever.

My junior year was probly the closest to God that I have ever been and my senior year was just meh.  Last week at the Father's House pastor Jeff talked about revival and I am so glad I took notes.  I needed to hear that very badly, to remind me what God has done for my life in the past and where he wants me to be.

I don't know how I am going to make it.  Which is perfect, cause I know in my head that I can't make it on my own, but I don't understand in my heart yet.  I think yesterday showed me a picture of what I can do to myself.  How I can ruin things.

I remember talking to Kati before she left for camp about how the week was going to be insanely hard and that she said I would survive just fine.  But then, as now, I didn't want to just survive.  I want my life to thrive, to leave a legacy, and I think this week is the beginning of that legacy.

Yes it's gonna be hard, and I'm going to hate some of it, but I need it.

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