Monday, August 25, 2008


There are two things right now that I could talk about.  One the fact that I am an extremely judgmental person and I hate that about myself, or God and Kati.  I feel that right now the second is too personal to share with complete strangers on the internet (if any complete strangers actually read this I would be very surprised, but the possibility still stands).

A little background on why I am even bringing up my judgmental tendencies.

Every sunday night from 8-9ish Biola has what is called a Singspiration, or Spo I believe.  From everything I have heard this is an awesome time of worship, and it was.  I believe from the bottom of my heart that worship does not depend on the band, who is singing or anything besides myself and God.

But.  And holy crap that is a big but.

I am a musician and a techie.  I notice everything; the tone of the singer, the rhythm of the drummer and the ability of the guitarists.  And with good bands and worship leaders I can usually tune the technical aspect of music out of my mind and focus on God, but mediocre bands or terrible bands really really distract me.

The sad thing?  I know that I am doing it.  I know when I am standing there singing and not worshipping and judging the people on stage.

Today I stood there and I listened to the drummer play.  I thought to myself many things about his ability and his heart and something struck me.  God does not care to what tune we worship, just that we do it.  I hate that I do this.  I hate that I can so easily be distracted from the worship of God by something so unimportant


Anonymous said...

You are not the only one who does this during worship. God has shown me in my life that as you said, God cares only about our heart.... being critical says more about ourselves than it does the people "on stage". I know many "techies" and musicians who are easily distracted. Knowing where you are is the first step, combating it with scripture is the next!
Hugs to you,
me (you know who)

Anonymous said...

You have the Martens perfection in you. Don't let it take hold! It takes practice to focus on your time with God.